Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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