My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
