my vag is so smooth its legendary
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
