Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
