Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
