Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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