No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
