i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
