saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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