I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
