i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
