dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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