Don't you send me to vm
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
