you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Come see our sink grown plant.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
