I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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