I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
