I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
