I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
