Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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