You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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