woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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