There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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