i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
