the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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