I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
