I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
