party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize