First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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