jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
