no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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