Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Congratulations! We have a period
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
