apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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