I want you more than these girls want KFC
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
