i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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