This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
