I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize