then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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