dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
