tell your sister to shave her snatch
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
