I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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