I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
