there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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