It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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