A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
