i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
