i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
