I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
