Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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