Just cropdusted the office
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
