It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
