I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
