did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
