I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
