omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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