I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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