Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There's even glitter on my cock...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize