She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
