So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
