fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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