I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
