How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
