Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
