Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
