Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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