Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
