whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
