i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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