you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
