the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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