Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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