we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
