goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
