Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
