she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize