You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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