look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
