So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
In other news, I just burned my penis
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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