this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
