If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
