I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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