i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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