I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
