You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
