I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
