I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
