If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
