im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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