we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
