Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
