I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize