I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
