Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
