I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
